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| In a prequel to the Comedy Central series, Jerri Blank (co-writer Amy Sedaris), a 46-year-old ex-con junkie whore, returns home after 32 years as a runaway. When Jerri discovers her father has slipped into a coma as a result of her disappearance, she decides to pick up her life exactly where she left off—as a high school freshman. Convinced her plan will revive her father, Jerri soon confronts the problems and temptations that plague all teenagers. Co-starring director/co-writer Paul Dinello, co-writer Stephen Colbert, Dan Hedaya, Allison Janney, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Justin Theroux, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker and Ian Holm. |
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The Taste of Independence
Hello, my name is Geoffrey Jellineck, former high school art teacher with matinee idol hair, current acting thespian. After starring in the indie blockbuster Strangers With Candy, I’ve discovered that I’ve been nibbled by the indie bug! I had planned to make the obvious leap to mainstream cinema, as my agent and hair stylist urged, but now I’m thinking, not so fast. Sure, I could carry a big studio picture. I think me stating it is proof enough of that, but I’m afraid I’d miss the no-budget, stripped-down, no-frills approach to indie filmmaking that I’ve grown to love, even though I must say that the size of the trailers leaves a bit to be desired. On the Strangers set, my honey wagon was barely large enough to contain my cappuccino machine. I practically had to froth my milk while standing! Anyhow, while preparing for my role as me, I became lost in the bargain basement possibilities of independent film. I learned that in exchange for the paltry budgets they accept for their films, independent filmmakers are allowed to take chances. And that’s when it occurred to me, why hasn’t the indie film world embraced the idea of cannibalism? Why so deliberate in its avoidance of a daring subject matter that has figured so prominently in our human history and seems so ripe to be exploited by the no-holds-barred ethic of low-budget cinema? That’s why I’m currently developing a nifty indie project about the Donner Party. Are you listening Paramount?! Here’s the idea. Clive Owen and I, surrounded by a cast of your most bankable indie stars, search for a passage through the unknown wilderness. Eventually, we run out of food and in the ending climactic sequence, which closes the film, I eat Clive Owen! Or rather my character does. I know this idea sounds like bold filmmaking and it is, but that is the independent spirit! Of course, if filming in the wilderness proved too difficult I could find plenty of alternative settings to eat Clive Owen. If I’m not mistaken, maritime law allows, in the case of starvation, crewmembers to eat lesser crewmembers such as a deckhand or a ship steward. Imagine Clive Owen and me basking in the sun on deck of a hedonistic cruise to the island of Corfu when things go awry, resulting in the inevitable denouement: me eating Clive Owen! I also recall a fairly recent news story about a German who advertised in the personals for a “well-built male prepared to be slaughtered and then consumed.” I mean, this one writes itself! The point is this, mainstream Hollywood is never going to get behind a project where I eat Clive Owen and that is their loss. And that is the beauty of independent cinema. It gives a wonderful life to courageous ideas. Ideas that in the hands of most studio execs would be snuffed out long before being encouraged to take their first step or use the potty. Ideas like Clive Owen and me trapped on a remote island after a horrific plane crash that has instantly killed all of the less attractive cast members. We are forced to endure hardship, inclement weather and wild beasts clad only in the diminutive codpieces we fashioned from bamboo and vine. Then, in a final show of humanity, when the food supply has grown scarce, or at least our willingness to forage has, Clive Owen, graciously and resolutely offers himself to me, and I eat him.
